5 Ways Teaching and Online Dating Are Exactly the Same Thing

I need a break from wedding planning. I love it, but it's over-crowding my brain and I could use a recess.

I've been thinking about writing this blog for awhile now because I have been teaching summer school, and the stories are never-ending. But also because one of my BFFs is currently stalking guys online to see how ridiculous their profile pics are experiencing the joys of online dating. We text back and forth all day, trying to decide who is worthy of such a hot babe, based on their profiles. We also text back and forth all day with stories about crazy kids from my classroom, and what I've found is that online dating and teaching are very similar. Don't believe me? Here goes nothing...

***Disclaimer: I'm a little bit one-sided here because my friend is looking for men, so we only look at men's profiles. I'm sure there are profiles out there of women who have interesting ways of presenting themselves to potential partners. But we're sticking with the boys here, folks.  

1. First impressions are a big deal

Just like you shouldn't show up on the first day of school wearing a hyper-color t-shirt and lace-cuffed socks over your hot pink stretch pants, you shouldn't post a profile picture of yourself wearing a red hat that is shaped like a fish in order to attract a mate. That's not a joke. There is actually a man out there, looking for a partner, who presents himself by wearing a red fish hat. Please stop it.

 2. Getting-to-know-you convos can be a little awkward - and sometimes a little untrue surprising

When you introduce yourself to your teacher, you usually say your name, and there is typically some sort of activity that helps you get to know her (and helps her get to know you). Kids say things like, "I always do all my homework," or "Do I HAVE to write a WHOLE paragraph???" On this particular online dating website (and on actual first dates), men have been known to say things like, "I'm 38, work part time and still live with my parents, but I'm one helluva Minecraft player," and "I've got $800,000 sitting in an account in Europe." Um...again, stop it.

3. Your effort says a lot about you

Sometimes, kids bring homework to turn in that is clearly done by their parents. No 4th grader uses the word "saturate" or "misconception" in a paragraph about their three favorite things about summer. 

Not one. 

Or if the reasoning for your answer is, "because this is the answer," it just feels a little bit like you don't care - or in the first case, like your parents might care a little too much - which is bad in dating too. I have seen messages from guys to my friend that imply that they would just like to meet her for one date (night...) and that's it. C'mon dude. Class it up a bit, would you? Or the guy that starts texting you shirtless bathroom selfies in the first text convo... No. If you want a potential mate to know that you care, you have to put some work in. Love, friendship, being a student... they all require ACTION behind the words. You can't just text your man parts to someone and expect them to believe that you're trying really hard. 

4. Benchmarks

If you're a teacher, you know this word very well. For those of you non-teachers out there, benchmark is a word we use as a measurement for where a student is. If they have "hit benchmark," it means they've made their goal for that period of time. As the school year goes along, we have certain check points that we use to assess where our students are academically and socially. Benchmark scores help us to know where the kid SHOULD be, versus where they actually are. Online dating is the same way. You assess as you go, and if a guy shows up on a first date with fuzzy handcuffs, your assessment should be that you're catching the next cab out of there. Reading someone's dating profile is just like having students take a pre-test. You find out some preliminary information and decide where to go from there. 

If only it were that easy.

5. Teaching and Online Dating are more effective when you have a team

I would have been LOST without my team this year at school. And the year before that, and the year before that. If I had no one to celebrate with, laugh with, cry with or drink wine with, I'd be in trouble. It is absolutely essential to have people around you who support you and understand a little bit about what you're going through. Every single one of my friends (and myself) who have online dated, have at one point or another, sent a text or shown a picture to their girlfriends asking, "WTH?!?!?!?" or "Look how cute he is! But he has 17 cats..." Life is always better when you can laugh at crazy people with your friends. 

Well, there ya have it folks. Bet you never thought these two things could be compared. I feel like I've done enough research, however, to be considered an expert in the subject matter. You're welcome. 

xoxo

5 Things I've Learned This School Year

Tomorrow marks the end of the school year for me. This last week is always full of so many feels... Exhaustion, relief, sadness, pride...the list goes on and on. The to-do list is 9378272749229 miles long and getting to the last moment seems almost impossible. Reflection comes naturally to me. Thus, here I sit, thinking about all the wonderful things I've picked up over this incredible year.

One of the coolest things about this year for me is that I am working at the school I grew up in. A few of the people who were part of shaping my life (aka teachers) are still there, and I feel like I'm at home every day. Pretty neat.

Five things (among many others) I am taking away this year are things that I think we could all use time time to reflect on. Here goes nothing...

1. If someone gives you feedback (or criticizes you), and you don't agree with it right away, take some time to reflect on it anyway. At least then, you can say that you listened with an open heart and mind - which is a positive quality. And hey, you may just learn something about yourself. 

2. Support your kid, but don't floss their teeth for them. I watched an episode of Dr. Phil recently, and like him or not, he's right about some things. He had a mom on there that flossed her kids' teeth, did their homework and ran background checks of their friends' parents. This kid was BEGGING his mom NOT to do his homework for him because he wanted to learn. DUH. ***To be clear, my lesson on this did not come solely from the Dr. Phil episode*** Bottom line: if you do everything for your kid and don't ever let them fail or feel pain, they will never know how to deal with it as they get older. We can't expect kids to be prepared for the next step if WE do all the prior steps for them.

3. Say "Please" and "Thank You." I bought pizza for my kids yesterday as a reward for their good behavior. NOT ONE OF THEM SAID THANK YOU. Don't get me wrong... I love these kids. But their manners are non-existent most days. I've discovered how important a "please" or "thank you" is. One of the parents in my classroom said to me recently: "Thank You" doesn't cost a THING. She's so right. Be kind to one another.

4. It's okay to laugh at poop jokes. Confession: MULTIPLE times this year, I've had to hold back my laughter when a kid rips one in class. I mean... RIPS ONE (9 year olds really don't hold back). I've got a few usual suspects, and every time it happens, they are TOTALLY okay with it. The kids around them snicker and we all move on. The adult voice inside me is saying: don't laugh... just ignore it and move on. But how badly do I just want to laugh with all the kids and say, "DOORKNOB!"   "Whoever smelt it dealt it!" "Dude, that was a pretty epic one..."

5. Cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the following is totally true: Kids see the world in the way that we all should see it. With curiosity, desire and innocence. They are, for the most part, un-phased by a lot of the terrible things in the world, simply because they haven't had enough time to experience it. However, some have... and we can learn a LOT from those children. But even the kids who are struggling, or who have seen too much, see the world in a completely different light than we do as adults. We can learn from their playfulness, their genuine smiles and their unconditional affection for those whom they love and trust.

Bonus Lesson: Don't ever, under any circumstances, use the term, "Let it Go" in the middle of class. The entire class will break out into song.

Happy SUMMER!!!

An Unconventional (CRAZY) Love Story

This post has nothing to do with school :) I was doing some work on our wedding website last night and read over the section titled, "Our Story." I thought I'd share it with you, in case you were at all interested in our crazy, unconventional love story.

In September of 2010, I (Claire) was teaching in Shoreline, trying to get my career off the ground. Mitch was in Detroit working and trying to decide what his next step would be. On September 16, "God went to Detroit" (as my stepdad says), we both ended up in the same place at the same time and we connected online. We moved quickly to talking on the phone and had an instant connection, spending HOURS talking and getting to know each other.

Being so far away from each other (and wondering if this was the real deal) was difficult. So I decided it was time to take life by the...horns?...and buy a ticket to Detroit. I knew no one in the area. I planned a week long trip, in anticipation of everything going well when we finally got to spend some time together in person. By this time, I was so optimistic and hopeful about it. I knew something was different about him, about us. But I was being very cautious about my feelings and how much of my heart I was giving away.

The plane ride to Detroit on February 9, 2011 was the longest trip of my life. I was so excited, but I was definitely freaking out. I had a couple minor breakdowns in the week leading up to the trip, just stemming from being scared about going to a place where I didn't have my people, and where I was going to be in a very vulnerable situation. Every time I got scared, or second guessed my decision about the trip, Mitch was there to tell me that we would be fine. Not once did he hesitate or get nervous about it. I couldn't understand why he was SO sure about it all. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't have bought the plane ticket if I didn't feel really great about it. But STILL. What was I thinking?
**I look back now, and totally understand why my Mom and Sister were freaking out about me doing this. I had never done anything like this in my life, and I was putting myself in a super vulnerable situation. The deal, as I left Seattle for Detroit, was that they could call anytime (and I HAD to pick up) to check in. And if I didn't answer, I had a five minute window to get back to them. This was actually a rule for quite awhile until they knew Mitch a little better :)

I got off the plane on the evening of February 9, 2011 in Detroit. It was 4 degrees, and my mid-winter break. Who goes to the ARCTIC on their vacation? This girl.

Mitch would tell you that every minute leading up to me getting to Detroit, he was totally fine. Not nervous, not scared, only excited. Until he was two minutes away from seeing me face to face. He says the moment that he pulled up to the place where I was staying is when he started his freak out session (thanks for joining me, babe). We switched roles here. I had become very calm. I prayed all day, sought peace, and could literally feel a wave of it come over me.

And then he knocked on the door. I opened it, and he smiled, and the wave of peace that I'd had for the last hour was real. We hugged for a long time. The first thing he told me was that I was more beautiful in person than he thought I would be. **swoon** I felt the same about him. It took a couple hours to get used to talking while being in the same room together (we were used to being on the phone), but we quickly moved into a super comfortable place and everything that I had felt in the five months leading up to that moment was confirmed. He was (is) kind, gentle, smart, funny, spiritual, had been through ups and downs in his life that made him better, loved his friends and family as much as I did, and told me he loved me with his eyes.

We spent a week together, getting to know each other and having a BLAST. We went to a Red Wings (hockey) game at Joe Louis Arena (if we lived in Detroit, I would probably have to be seriously considering getting married there...), spent lots of time with his family and played in the (ridiculous amounts of) snow.

Saying goodbye that week was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. We both still get choked up just thinking about it. At that point, it was not sure when we would see each other again. We had fallen in love in real life and knew that what we had was special. I ended up going back about a month later, for another week. During that week, we talked a lot about what we were going to do. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye over and over. He finally said to me: You know what babe? I'm going to move to Seattle. We want to be together, and I am at the right place in my life to do this. I want to do this.

So it was agreed. April 13, 2011 Mitch arrived in Seattle and we moved into our first apartment in Lynnwood. Crazy right? I know. I realize how absurd that sounds. At the time, we were SO in love, and SO excited about our new life together, that we weren't even thinking about that "practical" stuff. I know a lot of people in our lives were hoping for the best, but actually thinking we were a little coo-coo. Understandable, in hind sight :)

Two apartments, a couple job changes, Mitch going back to school and lots of love leads us to the Summer of 2013 (or the #summeroflove as it has we have come to call it). On July 16, 2013 (remember we met on September 16?), I was on my way home from Happy Hour with the girls when I got a call from Mitch. He called to tell me he had walked down to the lake (Lake Washington) to study and had hurt his knee on the way down. He asked me to come pick him up, as he didn't think he could make it home by himself. I of course said I'd be there as soon as possible, all the while worrying that he was REALLY hurt. It's not like him to call and ask for help like that.

When I got to the lake, I realized that his knee was just fine. He was standing near a picnic table that had tons of rocks on it. As I got closer, I could see that the rocks spelled out, "Will U Marry Me?" He had one of our favorite songs playing on his phone and I started crying before he even said one word. With the lake and Mount Rainier in the background, he got down on one knee and asked if I would be his wife. I said yes a billion times. His mannerisms and his smile in that moment were the EXACT same that they were on the first night we met in Detroit, and on the day that he got off the plane to start his life here in Seattle. He was nervous, but hopeful (so was I), and we were both SO, SO happy.

On August 16 (there's another 16!!!) of 2014, we will get an opportunity to share more of our story with all of you. We are so grateful for your love and support (even when you maybe thought we were a little crazy)

10 Solid Ways to Make a Teacher's Day

In light of Teacher Appreciation Week at our school, I thought it'd be fun to write a little diddy about the things that make teachers happy, and therefore, things you can bring them during this week of appreciation. In no particular order, here they are:

1. Coffee - just...more coffee.

2. Chocolate. An aphrodisiac, yes. But teachers use this for de-stressing, getting through meetings, entertainment, bribery, and all sorts of emotional healing. So yes, always more chocolate.

3. Diamonds. Because we'll never be able to afford our own.

4. Books. So the kids that go to the thrift store to buy books actually have some to buy (because we haven't bought out the entire shelf), and so that the books on OUR classroom shelves don't have 20 year old jam stains on them.

5. Flowers. So that the room doesn't smell like sweaty, post-recess bodies. And so that we have something on our desk besides the pile of papers that need to be corrected.

6. Wine. So that we don't have to keep paying for Happy Hour.

7. A massage. And maybe a facial. Mani/Pedi?

8. A hair appointment. So I can cover up my grey hairs - I have grey hairs on my head that belong to some very special students.

9. Markers - the good ones. Mr. Sketch. Because the smell alone makes the kids excited to read the poster I'm making for them. And everyone knows that the cool teachers always have the smelly ones.

10. Hugs. Because there's nothing better than an embrace from a student or parent who is grateful for your love and loyalty to them.

An Open Letter to my Fourth Graders

Dear Fabulous 4th Graders:

Tonight, I had some guilt about the last hour of our day together. I was feeling bad that we spent some time playing and laughing and having some fun - we don't always have time for that. But it warmed my heart to watch you encourage each other and I am still laughing from our conversation about "Call of Duty" (yes, that would be a conversation ACTUALLY about DOODIE - welcome to 4th grade). You are hysterical, compassionate, kind and you work hard for me every time I ask you to go above and beyond. You exceed my expectations on a daily basis and you are growing into some pretty fabulous kiddos.

The guilt came over me because I felt like I needed to use that last hour as "optimal instructional time." You don't know what that means; all you need to know is that I am expected to make sure there is learning going on at all moments. There was a little voice inside me saying, "There's too much to do... Maybe you should teach the math lesson...Maybe we should be reviewing for those looming state tests coming up..." But then I remembered that you had spent the entire day writing an essay for a bunch of strangers at the state to evaluate. You did the same thing a week ago. Many of you harbored anxiety about today that you shouldn't have to endure. You're 9 years old. Anxiety shouldn't exist for you.

Many of you speak multiple languages; English not being your primary language. But you are still expected to write two separate essays (as well as take a Reading test AND a Math test in a couple weeks). Many of you didn't have breakfast this morning, but your test will still be scored. Many of you are stressed out about things that have NOTHING to do with school, but you are expected (I know, I'm guilty of having these expectations for you too) to perform at your highest capacity.

I went into teaching because I wanted to be a part of passing on the joy of learning to you. I LOVE learning because I had teachers who instilled that in me. I went into teaching because I love being with kids like you. Your curiosity, laughter and perspective inspire me and I want to tap into that as much as I can.

These tests don't define you, even though it may seem like they do. You do NOT have to have anxiety about this stuff. This is not on you. It's the responsibility of me to prepare you, and it's the responsibility of the boneheads in Washington to create a system that assesses you FAIRLY - which they are NOT doing. They are not assessing your ability to work with your peers. They are not assessing your sense of humor, your grit, your compassion or ability to forgive others. They are not assessing your willingness and ability to take care of each other.

I just want you to know that I AM paying attention to those things. Who you are is MUCH more important to me than ANY test score. What you DO and how you TREAT EACH OTHER weighs much heavier on my heart than whether or not you can do long division.

It is these things that help me to remember that you are HUMANS - little ones at that. And a little fun never hurt anyone, right? This afternoon was one of my favorites we've had and I'm so glad we got some real time together. It's good for you to know that I'm a human too.

You should be proud of who you are becoming. I love you, you little rascals.

Sincerely,
your crazed loving teacher

Candid Thoughts on High Stakes Testing

Hi :) It's Wednesday... my longest day. I'm exhausted and still have a week and a half until Spring Break. But we are in the middle of an AWESOME Oregon Trail unit that the kids are LOVING and it's honestly what is getting me (and them) through.

This time of the school year is difficult for all teachers. The state tests are looming and the staff lounge is abuzz with all sorts of stress and ideas on how to make sure our kids are ready. See, at this point, our  jobs don't depend on how our kids do on these tests. But there is talk of making it that way. I'm not saying I'm for or against that (that's a completely different discussion). I'm just saying that we, as teachers, are working our asses off to prepare these kids for these tests, which don't actually measure the important things about the children we work with (i.e. growth over the year, compassion, the ability to work well with others, flexibility, creativity). And yet, we are still judged based on how our test scores come out.

I've talked to multiple people lately who have mentioned that they looked at test scores in order to choose the right school for their child. No judgement. However, it cut pretty deep to know that people assume that if test scores are bad, their kids won't get what they need. People assume that if test scores are bad, teachers aren't doing their job? I know for a fact that there are teachers that aren't doing their job, and that fact infuriates me. But don't assume that the test scores are a great measure of the quality of teachers that are in your local school.

Maybe I'm just grumpy and tired. But I'm interested in your thoughts on this. What do you know about it? What's your experience with it?

To make sure I end on a high note... I have to celebrate the fact that one of my kids, who isn't a native English speaker and who hasn't hardly written ANYTHING all year, wrote an ESSAY today! Bravo, munchkin. You are what is so delicious about this job.  

Air Quotes: A "Friends" Moment in Room 18

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 I always say that every moment in life can relate back to a "Friends" episode. Well, today that came true in my classroom during the writing lesson. If you've never seen this clip, watch it first, and then this story will be even better.



In writing today, we were talking about ways to "spice up your writing." We focused on adding dialogue to stories using quotation marks (most of them didn't even know the name for "those things that say people are talking"). After explaining to them how quotes are used, I asked if they had ever seen anyone use air quotes (I did the motion with my hands). They all got excited and said that they had seen it, but didn't really know what it meant. I explained to them that people usually use air quotes when they are explaining something someone said or did, but that sarcasm was implied. I gave them a few dramatic examples, where I talked like a valley girl and put air quotes up when "she like totally said that I COULD copy her homework..." and they understood it a little more.



During the next transition, I looked down at my kids and they were all practicing using air quotes. They were using them in the MOST sarcastic way possible, and totally wrong - which was hilarious. One of them said, "Hey! Ms. Steadman! You're the *insert air quotes here* WORST teacher ever!" Everyone laughed and they made sure I didn't actually think they were saying I was the worst. But then I asked for their attention and one of my boys looked at his best friend, and with the most authority his body could muster, he leaned forward, put his air quotes high in the air and said, "SHHHHHH!!"



Naturally, I busted out laughing and we all laughed together. It didn't even matter that they were using it wrong. It was just cute that they were trying it at all :)

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Meeting Mayhem: What makes it worthwhile?

Today I sat in a meeting with my amazing teammates. We talked about data, and what we are doing to support our kiddos. It was a bummer to watch the sun come out at the exact same time that "2:30 feeling" hit... You know, the one that you get when you are thinking about the afternoon Starbucks run? By the time the meeting was out, the rain had returned and my head was MORE than full. Often times, I find when I walk out of meetings that I feel inadequate - that I could never possibly do enough to make a difference in my kids' education. Or I'm given a ton of new ideas that I have no time to plan for or implement. Between this, writing sub plans and being away from the students, meetings are just plain not my favorite thing. Most teachers will probably say, "Yes, you're preaching to the choir...We all feel that way." The reality is, however, that meetings are inevitable, and some are better than others. Just like in any job. 

But here's the kicker: I got an email at the end of the day from a colleague saying this:
Claire,
As I was walking up the hallway, I was following Luis and Ishan carrying the lunch basket. Luis: "I wish Miss Steadman was here this afternoon." Ishan: "Yeah, everything is better when she is here." Just had to tell you!

I just had to remind myself that the kids don't care what I teach or how I teach it. They don't care about that bulletin board that I put up yesterday. They don't care whether my plan book is full or empty and they don't care that I have a graph of their growth in reading comprehension in my gradebook. They care that I care about them. They care about the story I told about my dinner last night with Mitch (we split a mini pizza in half and I used it in my fraction lesson this morning). They care that I showed up and hugged them, that I laughed with them, that I listened to them. That's it. And that's what they'll remember: how they FELT when they were in my class.

So as I go to bed tonight, I will remember why I'll roll out of bed tomorrow morning. I am so thankful to be where I am, even on days that are difficult.

Stating the Objective

Hi! My name is Claire and I am a 4th grade teacher in Seattle. I am in my fifth year of teaching and am excited to be sharing some of my adventures with you. This is my first year at this particular school, and I'm also planning my wedding. Needless to say, my new normal includes lesson plans AND reception seating plans. Staff meeting AND DJ consultations. Working through lunch to make time for booking vendors and designing my centerpieces. Life is hectic, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The objective (or, instructional outcome for the teachers out there) of this blog is twofold: 

(1) Often, my friends ask me to tell stories about what is happening in my classroom. We laugh about the stories I come home with and they always say, "You should write a book!" It's funny to think that the stories I tell are probably the exact stories that our teachers all told about us. There is never a dull moment in an elementary classroom (or any classroom for that matter), and I am here to share some of those moments with you.

(2) Another reason I wanted to start this blog is because I think teachers need as many spaces as they can get to share ideas, successes, challenges and defeats. Between the Common Core State Standards (a new set of standards being implemented by almost every state, for you non-teachers), a new, super intense -but a nice change - evaluations system (thanks to our local Guru, Charlotte Danielson), hours of meetings and of course, the heart of our job - the actual teaching - teachers need an outlet. And they need a space for sharing. I'd love to be a part of that. Not because I have amazing ideas, but because the conversation, with teachers AND non-teachers, is important. We teach our kids how to talk to each other, to share ideas, to agree and disagree. I want to practice that here.

Stay tuned and don't forget to share your thoughts and ideas with me!

xoxo